Is there no hope for this poor Cooperette?

I'm not gonna lie, or mince words. I listen to awesome music. I'm not the only one who thinks so. This is largely because, back when I was twelve, my favorite karate instructor played Hey Stoopid by Alice Cooper in the car on our way to a tournament. I was blown away by the song "Wind-up Toy." I asked for a copy of the tape and listened to it non-stop until one day my dad presented me with a brand new copy of the CD. I treasure this still to this day. I feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it. Prior to this, I had not heard rock music.I grew up in the 90s, when the airwaves were flooded with shiny pop music. Alice introduced me to the macabre and I have never looked back. After I saw my first concert (in a tiny club) I swore never to attend an arena concert. I loved the freedom of not being restricted to a seat. I lamented that this would mean I'd never get to see my beloved Alice Cooper live, but just yesterday I decided that I should go see him while I still have the chance. So I checked his site and... no Texas stops. How is that even possible? The nearest stops are in Kansas and Missouri next month. I'm willing to go that far to see him, but the person I would normally ask to accompany me has made it abundantly clear that she does not like Alice Cooper. So I am at a loss, what should I do?

Well, moving on to today's topic...